How to Avoid Marriage Breakdown | Watch Closely!






I have practiced law for almost 40 years.  In that period of time, I have handled thousands of cases.  One of the things that I have learned over the years is that court orders do not fix people!  

What I mean by that is this.  If you are involved in a relationship with someone and the relationship starts to break down, some people think that family court can provide an answer to the issues that arise upon separation of the parties.  Who will get custody of the children?  How can I stop him from harassing me?  Who will get the house?  Can she really stop me from seeing my kids?

It is true that, at the end of the court process, a family court judge will make an order that disposes of the issues that brought you to court in the first place.  The real question then becomes...will that order be obeyed!  You might be surprised to learn that it is not uncommon for someone to disobey a court order in one way or another.

A question that I am often asked by fathers is:  "She won't let me see the kids!  What can I do about it?"  Well, the simple and obvious answer is that the father in this scenario can start an application in family court, asking the court to make an order specifying when the father can see the children.  Most people are aware of the "every second weekend" type of access regime that most fathers have to contend with after a judge's order in family court.  

However, what many people don't realize is that even in the face of a court order, it is not uncommon for the father to be back in the lawyer's office complaining that, despite the court order, the mother of the children is still thwarting access (what is now called 'parenting time' in many jurisdictions).  In other words, the moms in these cases invent every excuse under the sun for preventing dad's access even though there is a court order that requires that the father spend time with his children, often a minimum of every second weekend.  

The excuses are, for example, "well Johnny is sick with the flu so I don't think it's a good idea for him go to your place this Friday" or "Johnny says he doesn't want to go this weekend" or "I've signed Johnny up for soccer and he has a game this Saturday".  These kinds of excuses, of course, are only a few of the excuses that are offered by a mom who is intent on preventing the father from seeing his children.  Many times, mom does this as a way to punish dad because the relationship broke down.  I have had cases where mom will go out somewhere with the children just before pick-up time.  So, of course, when dad shows up, the children are not at home!
The point here is this.  Some people, like the mothers in these kinds of examples cannot focus on the fact that the child or children still want to see their dad!  They cannot see past the issues that came between her and the father of the children that led to the separation.  In other words, they think that, by withholding the child or children from the father, they are 'getting back at' the father. 

Most fathers love their children.  What the mom doesn't stop to realize is that she is making the children casualties in the war with the father.  I'm not picking on just the moms out there...father's can be guilty of the same kinds of conduct.  

When the same issues re-occur despite the existence of a court order, the aggrieved party can bring a motion asking the court to cite the offending party in contempt.  So...back to court!  Sadly, some people stay embroiled in the court system for many years.  Court proceedings are stressful, can involve significant delay in getting to a result, can be expensive and often do much to aggravate the already heightened levels of animosity between the parties.  For most people, involvement in family court is one of the most emotionally and, potentially, financially, draining experiences they will ever face.

Is there anything you can do to avoid this kind of thing happening to you?  Watch closely!  



Before you make the decision to move in with someone, watch them closely.  Does your potentially new partner have issues that concern you?  Do he drink a little too much on the weekends?  Do she do drugs?  Are there any hints that the person may be a controlling type of personality?  Does he or she wrestle with issues like depression or anxiety or other mental health issues?  Is he constantly negative, a complainer?  Is she constantly putting a negative spin on things?  Does he or she have difficulty managing their anger?  Does she "go off" at the slightest thing?  Is he a narcissist?

These are the kinds of things to watch for in a potential partner.  If some of these traits present themselves, you should be keenly aware that, if you have children with this person, he or she will still be a drinker or will still wrestle with emotional instability or will still have difficulty managing their anger and so on and so on.  Court orders do not fix these things.  Court orders do not fix people!  So, before you decide to move in with someone, watch closely.

Are you separating from your spouse in New Brunswick? Call my office for a no-obligation consultation at: 506-496-5872


Grant Edward Rayner B.Comm., LL.B.*

* In practice since 1985.

For more family law information visit my website at:


Location: Woodstock, NB, Canada

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